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Post by pattycake on Mar 26, 2008 18:10:35 GMT -5
Hope you all enjoy this little joke before the seriousness of evening politics sets in.
10 Finkers:
Ole vas vorking at the fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers.
He vent to DA emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got Dar DA Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have DA finkers and I'll see vhat I can do."
Ole said, "I haven't got DA finkers." "Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got DA finkers?" he said. "Lord-it's 2007 and Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink DA finkers?"
Ole says........"How DA fock vas I suppose to pick dem up?
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Post by greenbrier on Mar 26, 2008 18:17:45 GMT -5
ROFLMAO, Patty!
Uh--wonder if there's a redneck version of this one?
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Post by moonstone on Mar 26, 2008 18:21:32 GMT -5
Hope you all enjoy this little joke before the seriousness of evening politics sets in. 10 Finkers: Ole vas vorking at the fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers. He vent to DA emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got Dar DA Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have DA finkers and I'll see vhat I can do." Ole said, "I haven't got DA finkers." "Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got DA finkers?" he said. "Lord-it's 2007 and Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink DA finkers?" Ole says........"How DA fock vas I suppose to pick dem up? Ole was supposed to ask Lena to pick them up. But, after all, they were Ole and Lena, and their communication skills were somewhat limited.
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Post by Krista on Mar 26, 2008 20:05:38 GMT -5
Hope you all enjoy this little joke before the seriousness of evening politics sets in. 10 Finkers: Ole vas vorking at the fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers. He vent to DA emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got Dar DA Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have DA finkers and I'll see vhat I can do." Ole said, "I haven't got DA finkers." "Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got DA finkers?" he said. "Lord-it's 2007 and Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink DA finkers?" Ole says........"How DA fock vas I suppose to pick dem up? Wow...hmmm... Oh, OK [insert rim shot here] ;D
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Post by Laura on Mar 26, 2008 21:51:34 GMT -5
Hope you all enjoy this little joke before the seriousness of evening politics sets in. 10 Finkers: Ole vas vorking at the fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers. He vent to DA emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got Dar DA Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have DA finkers and I'll see vhat I can do." Ole said, "I haven't got DA finkers." "Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got DA finkers?" he said. "Lord-it's 2007 and Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink DA finkers?" Ole says........"How DA fock vas I suppose to pick dem up? Thanks pattycake..I needed a laugh.
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Post by moonstone on Mar 27, 2008 17:03:09 GMT -5
Hello everybody --
I've been waiting all day for someone to put up a good joke.
Don't force me to bring out the lawyer jokes. I'll give you two hours ...
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Post by Laura on Mar 27, 2008 17:15:49 GMT -5
Ok..you've forced me to dig into my archives. I posted this one on NH a while back, but if it's good for NH it's certainly good enough for us here..
Five Surgeons
Five surgeons from cities are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on. The first surgeon, from New York, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up everything is numbered."
The second from Chicago, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon from Dallas, Says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers..Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicans are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable. ;D
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Post by pattycake on Mar 27, 2008 18:18:13 GMT -5
Thanks Laura!!
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Post by moonstone on Mar 28, 2008 9:51:33 GMT -5
Hello Everybody -- More Ole and Lena Jokes for Friday --
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.
One fine spring day, Ole decided to take Lena for a drive in his new car. As they were driving through town, a policeman pulled them over and told Ole that he was doing 50 miles an hour in a 30 zone. "Oh, no", Ole protested, "I vas only doing thirty, Officer." "No, you were doing fifty", replied the cop. "Really, Officer, I vas only doing thirty", Ole replied stubbornly. "Well", sniffed the cop, "I clocked you doing fifty!" At that point, Lena, sitting in the back seat and trying to be helpful, spoke up. "Officer...you really shouldn't argue vit Ole ven he's been drinking."
Enjoy!!!!
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Post by chrisfondaborder on Mar 28, 2008 10:11:54 GMT -5
Bless you Laura and Moonstone for not reaching into your "101 Uses for a Dead Lawyer" archive! After the week I've had, I'm perfectly willing to give over my noble aspirations and become a hot walker at Arlington Park.
But to enter into the fun of things:
There was this doctor, see, and being a doctor he was regular and temperate in his habits. One of his habits was to stop by his favorite pub on the way home for a single drink. The bartender got to know the doctor's tastes very quickly, and as the doc always arrived at the same time, the barkeep always had the doctor's favorite libation ready for him - a Hazelnut Daiquiri.
One day, as the bartender glanced at the clock and got ready to prepare for the doctor's arrival he realized he had run out of Hazelnut extract. Frantically he searched his stores to find an acceptable substitute. He found something he thought would work and hurried to make the drink before the doctor's arrival.
The doc arrived (on time, of course), and the bartender placed the newly invented concoction before him. Doc took one sip: "Whoa!", he exclaimed. "That tastes really different - what did you do."
Bartender replied, "Doc, I won't lie to you. That's not a Hazelnut Daiquiri."
"Well, what is it", asked the doctor.
"It's a" (wait for it . . . .)
"Hickory Daiquiri . . . . Doc".
(ya'll can shoot me now, if ya want)
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Post by moonstone on Mar 28, 2008 10:14:18 GMT -5
Bless you Laura and Moonstone for not reaching into your "101 Uses for a Dead Lawyer" archive! After the week I've had, I'm perfectly willing to give over my noble aspirations and become a hot walker at Arlington Park. But to enter into the fun of things: There was this doctor, see, and being a doctor he was regular and temperate in his habits. One of his habits was to stop by his favorite pub on the way home for a single drink. The bartender got to know the doctor's tastes very quickly, and as the doc always arrived at the same time, the barkeep always had the doctor's favorite libation ready for him - a Hazelnut Daiquiri. One day, as the bartender glanced at the clock and got ready to prepare for the doctor's arrival he realized he had run out of Hazelnut extract. Frantically he searched his stores to find an acceptable substitute. He found something he thought would work and hurried to make the drink before the doctor's arrival. The doc arrived (on time, of course), and the bartender placed the newly invented concoction before him. Doc took one sip: "Whoa!", he exclaimed. "That tastes really different - what did you do." Bartender replied, "Doc, I won't lie to you. That's not a Hazelnut Daiquiri." "Well, what is it", asked the doctor. "It's a" (wait for it . . . .) "Hickory Daiquiri . . . . Doc". (ya'll can shoot me now, if ya want) Definitely not. Thanks.
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Post by Krista on Mar 28, 2008 10:29:23 GMT -5
Bless you Laura and Moonstone for not reaching into your "101 Uses for a Dead Lawyer" archive! After the week I've had, I'm perfectly willing to give over my noble aspirations and become a hot walker at Arlington Park. But to enter into the fun of things: There was this doctor, see, and being a doctor he was regular and temperate in his habits. One of his habits was to stop by his favorite pub on the way home for a single drink. The bartender got to know the doctor's tastes very quickly, and as the doc always arrived at the same time, the barkeep always had the doctor's favorite libation ready for him - a Hazelnut Daiquiri. One day, as the bartender glanced at the clock and got ready to prepare for the doctor's arrival he realized he had run out of Hazelnut extract. Frantically he searched his stores to find an acceptable substitute. He found something he thought would work and hurried to make the drink before the doctor's arrival. The doc arrived (on time, of course), and the bartender placed the newly invented concoction before him. Doc took one sip: "Whoa!", he exclaimed. "That tastes really different - what did you do." Bartender replied, "Doc, I won't lie to you. That's not a Hazelnut Daiquiri." "Well, what is it", asked the doctor. "It's a" (wait for it . . . .) "Hickory Daiquiri . . . . Doc". (ya'll can shoot me now, if ya want) Holy *&^%$#@!... [insert rim shot here]
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Post by Krista on Mar 28, 2008 10:30:16 GMT -5
A guy walks into a doctor's office with a duck on his head. The doc asks, "May I help you?" And, the duck says, "Yea! Get this guy off my a$$!"
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Post by Laura on Mar 28, 2008 10:37:02 GMT -5
Hey! This Joke of the day is fun. With great jokes like these so far, we won't need to post lawyer jokes.
Great idea pattycake..thanks!
I have to say here, in case anyone got the impression I didn't like lawyer jokes. I do..no problem. I just didn't want any of my lawyer blogger buddies thinking I was putting them down in case I ever posted one. All jokes of any kind is ok with me..even Hispanic jokes..really ;D
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Post by pattycake on Mar 29, 2008 20:47:04 GMT -5
Here is one for your enjoyment!
A little boy wanted $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to forward it to the President of the United States as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $20 bill instead of the $50 he asked for. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $20 bill, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:
Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the White House in Washington, DC .and those idiots took out $30.00 in taxes.
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Post by moonstone on Mar 29, 2008 20:58:04 GMT -5
Here is one for your enjoyment! A little boy wanted $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to forward it to the President of the United States as a joke. The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $20 bill instead of the $50 he asked for. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $20 bill, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the White House in Washington, DC .and those idiots took out $30.00 in taxes. I assume this little boy is too young for Congress. He sounds smarter than a few of the current members. By the way, Joke of the Day was a brilliant idea. Thanks.
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Post by moonstone on Mar 30, 2008 11:44:51 GMT -5
Following up the conversation between pattycake and brenda about McCain's and the ageism question, here's a McCain joke for the day --
"Senator McCain, running for president, is in Iraq. Of course, he remembers Iraq when it was known as Mesopotamia." --David Letterman
Hey, Letterman ... there's no coincidence that McCain means "son of Cain." Think about it.
(All right, all right. At least it's not a lawyer joke.)
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Post by pattycake on Mar 30, 2008 12:28:03 GMT -5
Thanks moon. I have to remember to tell my mom that one. She will love it!
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Post by moonstone on Mar 31, 2008 9:33:56 GMT -5
Here's a baseball joke to start the season --
One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."
"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!"
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Post by Krista on Mar 31, 2008 9:51:53 GMT -5
Here's a baseball joke to start the season -- One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here." "Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!" Funny joke, but Ruth and Mantle made it to the "pearly gates" with their lifestyles?! Maybe there's hope for me afterall!
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Post by moonstone on Mar 31, 2008 10:05:20 GMT -5
Here's a baseball joke to start the season -- One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here." "Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!" Funny joke, but Ruth and Mantle made it to the "pearly gates" with their lifestyles?! Maybe there's hope for me afterall! Well, I wouldn't presume to comment on your lifestyle, but Countdown would probably say lifestyle had nothing whatsoever to do with it ... God is obviously a Yankees fan. Which then begs some additional questions, but I'll leave those to others.
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Post by moonstone on Apr 1, 2008 12:52:26 GMT -5
Two of my favorite recent books are Plato and Platypus Walk into a Bar and Aristotle and an Aardvark Go to Washington, by two Harvard philosophy professors named Cathcart and Klein. Platypus is a short course in philosophy using jokes. Aardvark's subtitle is "Understanding Political Doublespeak Through Philosophy and Jokes."
Just for amusement, I thought I might offer some tidbits from these books now and then.
...........
From Aardvark, here are a few, not particularly political, "weak analogies" in simile form, just to give you the flavor of this --
"Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
"She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs."
"She grew on him like she was a colony of microbes and he was room temperature beef."
"The lamp just sat there like an inanimate object."
(That last one is my favorite. My English students used to say stuff like that; maybe that's why I got out of education.)
..........
Now, here's an example of a "weak analogy" from the political arena ---
"Look, Al-Qaeda, they could bring in a nuke into this country and kill 100,000 people with a well-placed nuke somewhere. OK. We would recover from that. It would be a terrible tragedy, but the teachers' unions in this country can destroy a generation."
-- Neal Boortz (from an interview on Hannity and Colmes).
(One word. Sheesh.)
.........
Had enough yet? Here's an example of a political "slippery slope" argument --
"If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything."
-- Former Senator Rick Santorum
(Another word. Sheesh.)
..........
If this is the level of thinking that goes on in Washington, then I suppose we shouldn't be surprised by the government we get. It's impossible to imagine that these guys could ever get elected.
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Post by Krista on Apr 1, 2008 12:58:19 GMT -5
I'm glad my lunch had a chance to settle before reading about the microbes and the room temperature beef!
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Post by moonstone on Apr 1, 2008 13:02:13 GMT -5
I'm glad my lunch had a chance to settle before reading about the microbes and the room temperature beef! What is that you like to say ... insert rim shot here?
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Post by Krista on Apr 1, 2008 13:46:57 GMT -5
I'm glad my lunch had a chance to settle before reading about the microbes and the room temperature beef! What is that you like to say ... insert rim shot here? Oh, yep, sorry! [insert rim shot here]
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