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Post by moonstone on Apr 1, 2008 13:59:42 GMT -5
What is that you like to say ... insert rim shot here? Oh, yep, sorry! [insert rim shot here] No, I meant YOUR comment was the rim shot. Sorry if I upset your digestion. I wonder if Pam's "colon cure" could help with that.
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Post by Krista on Apr 1, 2008 14:18:19 GMT -5
Oh, yep, sorry! [insert rim shot here] No, I meant YOUR comment was the rim shot. Sorry if I upset your digestion. I wonder if Pam's "colon cure" could help with that. Couldn't hurt - along with some good for what ails me!
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Post by moonstone on Apr 1, 2008 14:54:29 GMT -5
No, I meant YOUR comment was the rim shot. Sorry if I upset your digestion. I wonder if Pam's "colon cure" could help with that. Couldn't hurt - along with some good for what ails me! Yes. From what I've heard, I suspect it could be the easy answer to lots of problems.
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Post by Laura on Apr 1, 2008 16:41:12 GMT -5
Thanks Moon for the tid bits. From butter, to missing legs, to microbes and inanimate objects..all funny. I needed it today. Nothing puts me in a worse funky mood then having to write check after check to pay taxes.. Payroll, state, quarterly taxes..all bad..but your tid bits put a smile on my face Thanks again.
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Post by moonstone on Apr 1, 2008 16:45:46 GMT -5
Thanks Moon for the tid bits. From butter, to missing legs, to microbes and inanimate objects..all funny. I needed it today. Nothing puts me in a worse funky mood then having to write check after check to pay taxes.. Payroll, state, quarterly taxes..all bad..but your tid bits put a smile on my face Thanks again. You're welcome Laura. Always glad to help.
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Post by Krista on Apr 1, 2008 18:34:08 GMT -5
Thanks Moon for the tid bits. From butter, to missing legs, to microbes and inanimate objects..all funny. I needed it today. Nothing puts me in a worse funky mood then having to write check after check to pay taxes.. Payroll, state, quarterly taxes..all bad..but your tid bits put a smile on my face Thanks again. EeeeeKKKkkk...I better not tell you about our refund then, huh?
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Post by Laura on Apr 1, 2008 22:23:07 GMT -5
Thanks Moon for the tid bits. From butter, to missing legs, to microbes and inanimate objects..all funny. I needed it today. Nothing puts me in a worse funky mood then having to write check after check to pay taxes.. Payroll, state, quarterly taxes..all bad..but your tid bits put a smile on my face Thanks again. EeeeeKKKkkk...I better not tell you about our refund then, huh? Oh, so happy you're getting a refund Actually, it's only every 3 months that I have this upset. Four times a year..not too bad, the rest of the time is ok. There are perks with owning your own business. We wouldn't be in it if there wasn't something good about it. I just found out the rebate we're getting is "free" money! We don't have to declare it on 2008 tax filing. Well, nothing is free, but it's good we won't have to declare it like the time before. Hey..those kitties are going to be eating rich huh!
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Post by moonstone on Apr 1, 2008 22:33:28 GMT -5
EeeeeKKKkkk...I better not tell you about our refund then, huh? Oh, so happy you're getting a refund Actually, it's only every 3 months that I have this upset. Four times a year..not too bad, the rest of the time is ok. There are perks with owning your own business. We wouldn't be in it if there wasn't something good about it. I just found out the rebate we're getting is "free" money! We don't have to declare it on 2008 tax filing. Well, nothing is free, but it's good we won't have to declare it like the time before. Hey..those kitties are going to eating rich huh! Laura -- I'm so disappointed. I always heard that the best things in life were free. Well, back to the drawing board on that one. So many illusions, so little time.
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Post by Laura on Apr 1, 2008 22:47:17 GMT -5
Oh, so happy you're getting a refund Actually, it's only every 3 months that I have this upset. Four times a year..not too bad, the rest of the time is ok. There are perks with owning your own business. We wouldn't be in it if there wasn't something good about it. I just found out the rebate we're getting is "free" money! We don't have to declare it on 2008 tax filing. Well, nothing is free, but it's good we won't have to declare it like the time before. Hey..those kitties are going to eating rich huh! Laura -- I'm so disappointed. I always heard that the best things in life were free. Well, back to the drawing board on that one. So many illusions, so little time. Oh Moon..you are sooo right..I am so wrong..I misspoke! Yes indeed the best things in life are free. Let me say it this way.. nothing the government tells us they are giving us is free. I think that's sounds much better.
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Post by moonstone on Apr 1, 2008 22:51:44 GMT -5
Laura -- I'm so disappointed. I always heard that the best things in life were free. Well, back to the drawing board on that one. So many illusions, so little time. Oh Moon..you are sooo right..I am so wrong..I misspoke! Yes indeed the best things in life are free. Let me say it this way.. nothing the government tells us they are giving us is free. I think that's sounds much better. Well, if Hillary can misspeak, and Barack can misspeak, and McCain can misspeak, I suppose we can forgive you this one time ... Just teasing, Laura. But the way you put it does sound much better.
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Post by Krista on Apr 2, 2008 12:35:51 GMT -5
This post isn't a joke per se, but it'll crack y'all up; it did me! Man, I HATE IT When This Happens! Gettin' caught alive in a funeral home has to be a truly stooooopid way to get arrested. Can you imagine the dialog in "the big house"? "What are ya' in for?!" Check this out: www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/04/02/spain.burglar.ap/index.html
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Post by moonstone on Apr 2, 2008 12:53:31 GMT -5
This post isn't a joke per se, but it'll crack y'all up; it did me! Man, I HATE IT When This Happens! Gettin' caught alive in a funeral home has to be a truly stooooopid way to get arrested. Can you imagine the dialog in "the big house"? "What are ya' in for?!" Check this out: www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/04/02/spain.burglar.ap/index.htmlHard to imagine the whole thing. The article said he didn't come dressed for a funeral and there were no valuables or any cash on the premises, so they didn't know why he would have been there. It's imagining why he might have been there that creeps me out. Thanks for the smile ... and the shivers.
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Post by g1 on Apr 2, 2008 13:15:12 GMT -5
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Post by moonstone on Apr 2, 2008 13:24:26 GMT -5
That was amazing. Thanks, g1.
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Post by Laura on Apr 2, 2008 14:47:53 GMT -5
Thanks g1 this is great. Love the sound affects.
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Post by Laura on Apr 2, 2008 15:09:37 GMT -5
Divorce Vs. Murder
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'
The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'
The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'
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Post by moonstone on Apr 4, 2008 22:29:35 GMT -5
For your late night amusement, a few selections from the book Oxymoronica, by Dr. Mardy Grothe --
"I worry incessantly that I might be too clear." ~ Alan Greenspan (also award points for guessing George Bush)
"I want peace and I'm willing to fight for it." ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower
"I always avoid prophesying beforehand, because it is a much better policy to prophesy after the event has already taken place." ~ Winston Churchill
"The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep." ~ W. C. Fields
Goodnight everyone.
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Post by moonstone on Apr 5, 2008 11:06:33 GMT -5
Here are some "oxymoronic" insults --
"He had nothing to say and he said it." ~ Ambrose Bierce
"Deep down, he's shallow." ~ Anonymous
Here is some "oxymoronic" advice --
"For fast-acting relief, try slowing down." ~ Lily Tomlin
"If you don't risk anything, you risk even more." ~ Erica Jong
"Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it." ~ Robert A. Heinlein
"Last, but not least, avoid cliches like the plague." ~ Anonymous
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Post by bluestocking on Apr 5, 2008 13:17:46 GMT -5
It's a beautiful day today, but that's likely to change tomorrow. I thought I'd post this time-wasting link for the next time you are housebound: www.lileks.com/The first thing you'll see is a video from 1958 on American style -- I was born in 1956 and I can safely say it represents the lifestyle of no one I knew. ;D The site host is a local author with a very off-beat sense of humor. There are links to out-takes of some his books which include The Diary of Regrettable Foods -- which is self-explanatory Interior Desecrations -- which deals with interior decoration ideas of the 1970s Mommy Knows Worst -- bad parenting advice from times past Enjoy.
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Post by Laura on Apr 5, 2008 15:30:12 GMT -5
It's a beautiful day today, but that's likely to change tomorrow. I thought I'd post this time-wasting link for the next time you are housebound: www.lileks.com/The first thing you'll see is a video from 1958 on American style -- I was born in 1956 and I can safely say it represents the lifestyle of no one I knew. ;D The site host is a local author with a very off-beat sense of humor. There are links to out-takes of some his books which include The Diary of Regrettable Foods -- which is self-explanatory Interior Desecrations -- which deals with interior decoration ideas of the 1970s Mommy Knows Worst -- bad parenting advice from times past Enjoy. LOL! Thanks for the trip down memory lane with the video. Although I knew no one who had this style furniture it was a trip. My parents had the style of Early American. Check out those June Cleaver fashions! Electric wall-mounted can opener, Mel mac dinnerware, old charcoal BBQ, old video camera, and my favorite. The clunky, old IBM electric typewriter. I used one of these in the late 60s at a job. The books look hilarious. The Regrettable Foods has some fish dish that looks as if it's smothered in Thousand Island Dressing..must be the Horror from the Briny Deep. I don't even want to know the rest of the ingredients of the Ketchup Pistachio Cake!
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Post by Laura on Apr 5, 2008 15:41:15 GMT -5
Here are some "oxymoronic" insults -- "He had nothing to say and he said it." ~ Ambrose Bierce "Deep down, he's shallow." ~ Anonymous Here is some "oxymoronic" advice -- "For fast-acting relief, try slowing down." ~ Lily Tomlin "If you don't risk anything, you risk even more." ~ Erica Jong "Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it." ~ Robert A. Heinlein "Last, but not least, avoid cliches like the plague." ~ Anonymous These are great..thanks Moon. "He had nothing to say and he said it." ~ Ambrose Bierce..LOL!
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Post by moonstone on Apr 5, 2008 16:00:04 GMT -5
Here are some "oxymoronic" insults -- "He had nothing to say and he said it." ~ Ambrose Bierce "Deep down, he's shallow." ~ Anonymous Here is some "oxymoronic" advice -- "For fast-acting relief, try slowing down." ~ Lily Tomlin "If you don't risk anything, you risk even more." ~ Erica Jong "Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it." ~ Robert A. Heinlein "Last, but not least, avoid cliches like the plague." ~ Anonymous These are great..thanks Moon. "He had nothing to say and he said it." ~ Ambrose Bierce..LOL! That pretty much sums up George Bush's career, as reflected in that other thread we've got going. Better he should say nothing at all. But once again, I'm not holding my breath.
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Post by Laura on Apr 5, 2008 16:32:40 GMT -5
For your late night amusement, a few selections from the book Oxymoronica, by Dr. Mardy Grothe -- "I worry incessantly that I might be too clear." ~ Alan Greenspan (also award points for guessing George Bush) "I want peace and I'm willing to fight for it." ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower "I always avoid prophesying beforehand, because it is a much better policy to prophesy after the event has already taken place." ~ Winston Churchill "The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep." ~ W. C. Fields Goodnight everyone. More great ones..keep them coming. "The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep." ~ W. C. Fields..the best!
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Post by moonstone on Apr 5, 2008 21:31:09 GMT -5
A few more items from Oxymoronica ....
"How is it possible to have a civil war?" ~ George Carlin
"The average tourist wants to go places where there are no tourists." ~ Sam Ewing
"Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future." ~ Niels Bohr (didn't he have something to do with the atomic bomb? -- scary)
"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." ~ Anonymous (who'd take credit for saying that?)
"I think people who go to a psychiatrist ought to have their heads examined." ~ Jane Ace
"Modesty is my best quality." ~ Jack Benny
"We have to believe in free will. We've got no other choice." ~ Isaac Bashevis Singer
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else." ~ Margaret Mead
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Post by moonstone on Apr 6, 2008 12:58:24 GMT -5
Some literary oxymoronica --
'All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.' ~ George Orwell (Animal Farm)
"I do desire we may be better strangers." ~ Shakespeare (As You Like It)
"I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible." Jane Austen (Northanger Abbey)
"The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday -- but never jam today." Lewis Carroll (Through the Looking Glass)
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